|Posted on August 26, 2018 at 1:55 PM|
Connecting with people and getting your needs met can be a struggle for those with a childhood history of difficulty connecting to a parent or caregiver. Let's look at a few examples. Sometimes a parent is not there for the child some or all of the time. This can be due to an adoption, divorce, parent travel, alcoholism or other substance use. If a parent is not present, the child will not be familiar with openly sharing feelings and getting their needs met. Adults with this childhood assume that others will not understand them and will not meet their needs.
In the second situation, a parent or caregiver may only intermittently meet their child's needs. This may be due to many possible factors such as family financial stress, parents experiencing mental illness or substance use. This creates a heightened sense of anxiety in the child as they fear their needs will not consistently get met. The adult with this childhood would experience anxiety about others meeting their needs. The adult would simultaneously work "too hard" to get their needs met along with oversensitivity about other's refusal or inability to meet their needs.
In a third situation, the parent or caregiver may be scary due to mental illness or substance use. This results in the paradox of the child wanting to connect to the caregiver to get their needs met and wanting to run away at the same time. The child adapts to this situation by creating two or more parts of their personality to adapt to this paradox. This creates internal disconnection as they fear the people that they desire a connection with. It may be confusing for others to understand intermittent behaviors to connect and then disconnect.
In all three examples, the Mirror Neuron Network of the brain has been damaged. The Mirror Neuron Network is the connecting and empathy pathway of the brain that is developed through healthy and consistent connections with caregivers. Revisioning is new psychotherapy that can repair the Mirror Neuron Network. The unmet needs of the child ego state can be integrated and merged with the adult self. This results in an easier, closer, less confusing and emotionally satisfying connections with others.